Not In The Mood To Party
by Roselina4389
Summary: Stuck at Slughorn's Christmas party, Severus contemplates on why he hates parties so...Besides all the laughter and happiness, there is another reason...A sudden memory haunts him and Severus cannot help dwelling on it.


**Written for the QLFC. Chaser 2s had to write about a character's dislike and focus the whole story on it. My character was (thankfully) Severus Snape. I decided on Snape hating parties (which kind of covers everything happy). Hope you like it. It's not that good-I just hope it's relevant to my topic...**

**Prompts: (word) bustling, (emotion) lonely, (word) present.**

* * *

**Not In The Mood To Party**

They were all laughing, talking, drinking, waltzing, none of them taking any notice of him. Maybe he was so well hidden that they couldn't really see him. Maybe they just didn't want to.

His long, black robes reached his ankles. His shiny black boots clicked on the floor as he walked, his robes fluttering behind him like they always did, he was that thin. His black buttons reflected the floor. His dark eyes and arched eye-brows scanned the room, in disgust, in contempt.

Severus Snape had never liked parties-as an adult, or even as a child. He just didn't-he disliked anything to do with celebrations and happiness, because there was nothing for him to celebrate anymore, no happiness in the world left for him.

Yet, he had made an effort today. He had arrived at Slughorn's Christmas Party, even though he had wanted to spend the day in his arm-chair, alone. Completely alone.

"Come have a drink, Severus!" Horace hiccuped.

Snape stared straight at the man, eyebrows raised. "No thank you, Professor. I would rather not,"

"Loosen down, Severus, it's C-Christmas!" Slughorn hiccuped again, apparently feeling drunk from all of the firewhiskey.

"I am aware of what time of the year it is," Snape said, tightly. "I would not have come at all if you had not pestered me into arriving,"

"Severus, you must calm down. You are my old student, after all. I had to invite you," Slughorn looked appalled.

Snape swept to another side of the room immediately, without another word. He sulked in a corner, feeling lonely and depressed. His eyes closed briefly as his ears took in all of the chatter and laughter.

_Chatter and laughter..._

Wasn't there a certain Harry Potter **present** in the room, too? Snape looked around to catch a glimpse of the wretched boy. It seemed like Slughorn had fallen for his fame, too. It couldn't be his talent in potions, of course.

He had tried to see if Harry was in any way like his mother, but he had been sadly mistaken. The boy could brew nearly as badly as Longbottom.

"Oh, you're here, are you Professor?" A sudden, soft voice called out.

Snape flinched and looked down to see Luna Lovegood, a dreamy expression on her face, looking rather pretty in her new robes, a glass of punch in her hand.

"_Ob_viously, miss Lovegood," Snape snapped. What was wrong with the girl?

"I didn't think you were the partying type, sir," Luna went on, as if she hadn't just been snapped at. "Would you like to walk with me? I'm not sure where Harry went,"

Was Snape hearing correctly? This girl wanted _him_ to walk with her? She must have drunk too much punch. "So, you came with Potter, did you?" Snape asked.

"Quite right, Professor," Luna was staring at him with her large eyes. She suddenly turned around. "Oh! I think that's Harry," she pointed at a boy who was gesturing at her wildly. He was standing with a brown-haired girl, obviously Granger. "I'll see you later then, sir,"

Snape wasn't sure what had just happened but her sudden disappearance had made him feel lonelier than ever. He skulked off somewhere else, where no one, not even that queer Lovegood girl, would find him. He could see Slughorn **bustling** around the room, making sure everyone was fine. And suddenly, even though he felt terrible and annoyed, his mind drifted off somewhere...

_"You look beautiful," he was looking at her with reverence, with widened eyes. And then he blushed furiously, and so did she._

_"Thank you," Lily twirled around slightly, looking stunning in her blood-red dress robes. She smiled at his dark green ones, slightly too long for him. "You look nice, too. I like your robes."_

_He flushed, looking down at himself. "No, I don't. And these aren't even mine, I borrowed them from Avery and shrunk them a bit." He gestured hopelessly at his oily, lank hair, his face. He knew he wasn't attractive. A hooked nose, sallow skin, and yellowish teeth...But Lily insisted that she loved his eyes and loved his hair and he just needed to take care of himself better._

_"Don't be ridiculous, Severus! Now come on, Professor Slughorn will be waiting,"_

_It was another one of those Slug Club parties. The only reason Professor Slughorn had invited them was because they were good potion brewers. Sometimes Lily would get ever so slightly jealous when Slughorn praised him more. "Strokes of inspirations!" Slughorn __told him, in front of the whole class. "Completely bizarre how you get better results than everybody!"_

_Snape was careful not to mention his altered recipes._

_Now, as he and Lily walked together to the party, Severus took hold of her hand and led her. He knew girls liked this and since he fancied Lily, he really needed to make a good impression on her._

_Lily blushed, but she did not pull away. When they reached the party, Lily let out a gasp of delight: "Oh, isn't it wonderful to be somewhere where Potter and his mates aren't following!"_

_"Yeah," Severus agreed._

_Professor Slughorn rushed over to them. "Ah, what a couple!" He said, teasingly. __He smelt a little bit of drink. "Glad you could come, miss Evans, Mr Snape! Come inside, come inside, enjoy yourself!"_

_They both went inside, flushing once again. They weren't really a couple, and Severus suddenly realized that the holding-hands thing had let out a little too much._

_"Do you want to dance?" Lily asked after they hovered aimlessly near the refreshments stand, Severus drinking glass after glass of punch._

_He spluttered on his drink and stared at her. "Do you?"_

_"Only if you do," she looked slightly offended._

_"'Course," Severus mumbled__, nervously. "Er-but I don't really know how to dance...And everyone's watching, aren't they?"_

_"So?" Lily demanded. "It's just a _dance_, Sev!"_

_"Okay, okay, calm _down_ Lily."_

_"You can waltz, can't you?" Lily asked, when he had walked to the middle of the floor, looking nervous._

_"I have never done it before," Severus replied, truthfully._

_"I'll steer," Lily offered. Severus looked down at her and realized what a good opportunity this was._

_He gingerly took hold of her waist and slowly, slowly they waltzed. He was careful not to dip her too low, not to twist her, not step on __her foot. The blush wouldn't go away from his cheeks and he kept swallowing, his mouth that dry._

_"Oh, this seems so romantic, like we're a couple," Lily giggled, as if it was some kind of joke. He didn't want it to be. He wanted it to be real._

_Some people stared at them, watching them dance, him awkwardly, Lily enthusiastically._

_Finally, Severus ended it and stepped back, his face still flushed._

_"That was fun, wasn't it?" Lily smiled._

_"Yeah-yeah I guess," Severus muttered. "Do you want to sit now?" He added, rather hopefully._

Coming back to the present, the adult Snape's eyes slid to the empty bowl next to him, his reflection showing on it vaguely. He saw a hint of yellowish, pale skin, topped with floppy, lank, dark hair.

Snape swallowed. He turned around to see Potter talking to that Lovegood girl. He began to walk again, to another corner, to another spot, trying to hide himself. He felt rather tired. His mind drifted off again...

_"...You're tired already?" Lily was saying, watching him as they both sat facing each other, sitting on chairs._

_"I'm feeling _awkward_," Severus corrected. "I hate parties, don't you?"_

_Lily blinked at him. "Why would anyone hate parties?"_

_"Well...they're always loads of people and they don't make things easy for you. _You're_ okay, it's just me..."_

_"Just what?" Lily looked indignant. "I would have thought you'd be a little more self-confident than _that_, Severus! Why do you _care_ what people say?"_

_Before Severus could answer, he was cut through by someone new:_

_"Oh, hey Lily!" Emmeline Vance cried, waving. "And...er, hi," she said to Snape, rather awkwardly._

_"Emmy!" Lily grinned. "How are you?"_

_"Fine, really. So, how come you're..." And they both turned away from him and chattered and chattered. They had forgotten all about him. Severus waited, a little hurt. When they didn't turn to him, __Snape felt bitter and sour and he walked away without another word. If they didn't want his company, he wouldn't force it on them._

_He walked through the crowd, heading towards the door. A few minutes later..._

_"Hey, Sev! Where are you going?" Lily was shouting at him as he made his way across the room._

_Snape turned, folding his arms. "Remembered me, did you?"_

_"You are such a _girl_ sometimes! Me and Emmy were just talking," Lily folded her arms too, looking up at him. "Why'd you go off like that?"_

_"Yeah, well, I thought you were ditching me," Snape sighed. Seeing her hurt look, he suggested meekly: "__Do you want another dance?"_

_Lily raised an eyebrow, suspiciously. "Do you?" She said, grinning mischievously._

_"Only if you do," Snape completed the joke, smirking too._

Once again, Snape came back to the present, jolted by a sudden shriek of laughter. He shook himself and sipped some butterbeer. Now that he was older, he would have liked more stronger drinks. But just for drinking's sake, he drank and Slughorn came over to him again.

"Severus?" He asked. "You do know that you aren't the only one **present **here, don't you? Why don't you talk to someone?"

"No thank-you," Snape sighed.

"You seem rather lonely," Slughorn looked annoyed.

"I am always lonely," Snape replied, dryly. That was the truth, wasn't it?

"I remember you used to be so _delighted_ when I invited you to my parties, when you were younger..."

"Yes, well, that was rather long ago, Horace." Snape muttered. As Slughorn walked away, petulantly annoyed, he remembered another part of the memory:

_"Who's _that_?" Lily wrinkled her nose, pointing at someone overhead._

_"Oh!" Severus sat up, eagerly. He had been slumping in his seat, bored and flushed. Now he grinned at the tall Slytherin boy who nearly everyone in his dorm looked up to._

_"You know him?" Lily looked suspicious._

_"Who _doesn't_? He's Jacob Brian-he's very influential." He told Lily, nodding importantly. It was like they were kids again:_

_"But I _have_ done magic out of school!" A younger Lily had cried, anxiously._

_"Nah, we're still young. Once we get eleven and get our wands..._that's_ when we've got to go careful," A younger Severus had nodded importantly, grinning at her enthusiastic face._

_The teen Severus now stared at Jacob with admiration. "He's only the smartest guy in seventh year-knows everything, esspecially about the Dark and Light Arts."_

_"_Dark_?" Lily stiffened._

_"Not to _use_, just for knowledge," Severus said, hurriedly. He wondered why Lily was so squeamish about the Dark Arts. "Let's go talk to him,"_

_So they went together, Lily rather reluctantly. Severus began chatting up to him at once. At first Jacob raised his eye-brows, but then he got impressed by Snape's knowledge and they talked. Lily felt left out._

_"Yes, it's this new spell I learnt about in a book," Jacob was saying._

_"I've heard about it!" Severus cried, excitedly. "It's supposed to be __forbidden__. I've heard only the _darkest_-"_

_Lily made a noncommittal, disparaging voice behind them and Jacob stared at her._

_"Of course, _pureblood_ families know all about it." He said, an edge creeping into his voice. Both Lily and Severus flushed. "Are you a pureblood, then?"_

_"I'm-I'm half," Severus felt extremely embarrassed._

_"Are you?" Jacob asked, interestedly. "Well, that's not _too_ bad. It's _Mudbloods_ that are the real problem. I sincerely think that Mudbloods shouldn't bother coming to such an institution,"_

_There was a pause. Severus felt Lily freeze behind him. He glanced at her, turning around slightly. The girl looked offended and angry._

_"Oh really?" she folded her arms._

_"Lily!" Severus hissed._

_"What? Isn't it my right to defend myself?" Lily was flushing angrily. "_Isn't_ it, Severus?"_

_"He's-" Severus tried to explain, but Jacob cut through: "So...You're apparently a Muggle-born, are you?" he looked disgusted._

_"So what if I am!" Lily cried, loftily._

_There was an oppressive pause as Jacob stared at Lily and then back at Severus._

_"I really thought you had better taste," Jacob sneered at Severus and walked away with his friends, who sniggered. Severus was both humiliated and angry at Lily for spoiling everything. He and Jacob had been getting on so well..._

_But before he could start, Lily began a rant: "Well, I'm sorry if I'm too low for your _tastes_, Severus!" Lily sneered. "You hang out with whoever you want!"_

_"I don't think like that!" Severus insisted. "He didn't mean it, it's just-"_

_"Just _what_? You'd rather defend him than me?" Lily demanded._

_"Lily, I'm sorry, it's not that, it's just-"_

_"Save it," Lily interrupte__d, firmly. "I'm going back to Gryffindor Tower. I'm not in the mood,"_

_"But-"_

_"I'm sorry, Severus, Ill just see you later-if you don't want to ruin your reputation, that is. Goodbye," And she left immedietly, leaving Snape looking shocked and helpless._

_As she left the party, Severus came back to his senses._

_He ran after her, running like a fool through the corridors, nearly tripping over his borrowed green robes. He finally caught up with her, pulling at __her hands, pulling her towards him._

_"Lily, please, I'm sorry. Don't go,"_

_Lily's face softened ever so slightly, but she stayed stubbornly stiff. She pulled her hands away, folding them across her chest._

_"Why're you going after a 'Mudblood' like me, Severus? Aren't I too 'low' for you?" She asked, loftily._

_"You _know_ I don't think like that! _I_ was the one who told you it didn't matter being Muggleborn in the first place! Remember?" Severus urged._

_Lily snorted, but the anger in her eyes wavered slightly. Snape went on:_

_"Please, I don't want to party anymore. Let's just walk together,"_

_ So they did-they strolled together__, a cold silence stretching between them._

_Severus stopped her at a corridor with a seat against the wall. They sat there, Lily stone-stiff. Snape tried his best to calm her down._

_"You're _not_ weak," he said. "You're just as magical as everyone else," _

_"I know that," Lily said, coldly._

_They never went to a party together again, at least not willingly or happily. They never quite got into the mood...Just looking at each other _dressed_ for a party made them remember about the Jacob-thing. Lily never quite got over the incident..._

Snape blinked away the flashback and finally realized why he hated parties so much. It was at a party where his relationship with Lily had deteriorated so. He hated the drinks, the refreshments, the laughter, the music. He just wanted to go back to his quarters. He just wanted to leave.

Severus spotted Slughorn and went over to him. Maybe he could ask him if he could be excused. He just wasn't in the mood. He _hated_ parties.

"Professor?" Snape said, softly. He wasn't in the mood to party. Nope-not at all, not anytime soon.


End file.
